Tuesday, June 22, 2010

you squeezed my hand and told me softly that i shouldn't be afraid.

You know what I think about all the time? And I don't know what to make of it? Here's what, and please don't take this the wrong way:

My life is easy. And blessed. And beautiful, really.

At any given moment I have very few life struggles. There is one particular trial, which I'm not vocal about with too many people. And of course there are things here and there-- a bad day at work, a silly argument with the husband, a broken ankle (which healed before I knew it). But overall? I have no reason to complain. No trial actually worthy of feeling sorry for myself.

I look all around me and see people experiencing grief, heartache, addiction, loss, serious burdens I cannot even comprehend.

So of course I can't help but wonder... Why not me? Is it because I'm not strong enough to handle a terrible trial? Are all my trials going to come later in life? Oh no, what's going to happen to me/my husband/my future children? What did I do to deserve such an easy go at things? (Nothing.) How is it fair? (It's not.)

No, I'm not saying my life is perfect. Nor am I wishing trials upon myself. I suppose I'm just really grateful and overwhelmed and appreciative of all that I've been given. And more than anything, I'm wishing there was a way I could help ease the pain of so many people who are experiencing hard things.

I may have been told a time or two in my life that I'm selfish, and unfortunately I can see the truth in that. But here's to change, noticing when others could use a hand, giving all that I can, loving and serving with a happy heart. Maybe, just maybe, I can make a difference.


  1. Be grateful. Be happy. It's okay to feel that way. :) I know that we all could have it worse...I have to remind myself of that daily. Even though I've been going through things I never imagined I would experience...this is a great reminder to me that things could always be worse. I don't know you, but thanks for this post.

  2. Not a lot of people would think the same way as you. You're lucky and I hope you won't have to go through a lot of bad times. <3

  3. I feel the exact same way and even scare myself thinking about whats in store now and then.

    This is why my "fear" is what it is. If I have been dealt a perfect/easy/trail-less hand of cards, how much more is expected of me?

  4. you echo my thoughts my dear.

    sometimes, i think "this is all to good. what's going to happen?" like i'm waiting for a train wreck or something.

    i think the important thing is to recognize the blessings and help those in need just as you've said.

    beautiful photo!

  5. I am totally waiting for something catastrophic to happen to me. I know exactly what you're talking about.

  6. I'm relieved to read your post and all of the comments, I often feel the same way. We've definitely been through some tough things over the years, but life is good and it makes me a bit nervous. My mom told me once, "The Lord wants to bless you." I think that's true, and I also have to remind myself to enjoy each day without fear:)

  7. What a great post! It's hard sometimes to recognize that our lives might be nicer than we think. Reflecting on the good stuff is always good.

  8. Anonymous6/24/2010

    Eres una persona que se sabe acercar a lo bueno y estás bien rodeada, por eso te resulta ahora fácil la vida. Tienes inteligencia emocional, pero la vida a veces te trae sorpresas tanto blancas como negras. Sigue bien rodeada para que, cuando llegue una sorpresa menos blanca, tengas buenos aliados que te ayuden a que la vida recupere su complicada sencillez.

  9. beautiful post angela. i love it and love how much you appreciate your life.

  10. such an interesting post, which has, unexpectedly, left me crying like a baby. i've looked at things from the opposite perspective and wondered:

    "what is wrong with me? how much of all these hard things in my life are my fault? am i just seeing the negative things in my life? am i incapable of happiness?"

    i don't have the answers to these questions, but i do know this: we are given life experiences to teach us the things we need to know and to help us become the people we need to be. maybe you don't have as much to learn in this life as some of the rest of us.

    also, you take beautiful pictures. this is one of my favorites. i love it.

  11. i can't tell you how much i can relate to everything you said in this post.

    last year i went through something that was just awful. i had no idea how i was going to pull through it, but then... like you, i looked all around me and saw people experiencing grief, heartache, loss and burdens that i could not comprehend. there is even someone so close to me who continues to have the worst of trials. i get frustrated when something new comes up in her life because i don't know how she keeps going. i want her to just have a break, i want to just take all of her troubles away. but then i just remember how i felt when people really reached out to me in my times of despair. even the littlest things like smiling at me in church would warm my heart and make me feel like everything was okay. i really love that you want to be so selfless and help when and wherever you can. because you will make a difference. i really loved this post, thankyou.

  12. First I have to say I laughed out loud at Clint's 'knock on wood' comment. My husband always says this to me when I bring up this very topic.

    Secondly, I wanted to say thank you for such an amazing post. I often obsess about what horrible trials may be coming my way and it's unhealthy. Instead of being fearful I need to get my booty moving and help others.


  13. Have you read my journal? Honestly, everything you said is something that goes through my mind almost daily. I feel like I am so blessed, sometimes too blessed, and that someday something really bad is going to happen to me because my life is so easy. I complain over the tiniest of things, but at the end of the day when I thank my Father in Heaven for the happiness I have, I realize that there is nothing to complain about. I then look at others, like you do, and wonder why they are suffering and then I wish so badly that I could FEEL for them. I want to feel for people so that I can really understand them and genuinely care for them.

    When it comes down to it, I can't stress about what trials I have in the future. Maybe our lives will always be this blessed and easy, but we will definitely have more of a responsibility to help others who are struggling, just like what Keighley said.

    Thanks for a wonderful post. I've been staying away from the blog world lately, but tonight I've visited a few and have found so many inspiring posts!

  14. Beautiful post.


  15. Interesting idea. All I know for sure is that whatever happens to you, you will be able to handle it. And when you are righteous, the Lord blesses you. Enjoy all of your hard work!

  16. I feel your feelings.

    I just have to tell myself, there is no trial quota. And sometimes if I dwell on the fear of things that could happen -which happens quite often - I bring my own trials upon myself. And that really stinks.

    But, I like being around people that recognize blessings. That don't make it a game of who has the harder trial.

    I just try to be one of the people I like.

  17. Is your trial having me as your perfect older sister? I'm sorry to do that to you. :) He he.

    At the funeral I went to this week, the talk given by my friend, who's husband died, echoed a lot of your words. So I am thinking so much of it has to do with attitude. If we look for others to help and serve, it's hard to feel sorry for ourself, no matter what we are faced with.

  18. I was just having this conversation last night with my husband. We were talking about people we knew that we needed to pray for and who were struggling -- and we just felt so blessed!

  19. I completely understand what you mean and have thought many of the same things myself. But, no worries....being grateful is a beautiful thing and that doesn't mean you are due to be run down by a truck anyday! :) I love that you are trying to help, I am so with you.

  20. This is wonderful.

    You are incredible.

  21. Such honesty. Thanks for sharing this.

  22. Just found your blog and when I read this, it resonated. I think these very things all the time....I could echo this entire post. I'd like to think that I have lived a blessed life in order to help others through their trials. Yes, maybe tragedy will hit me later (I'm still young) but for now, in order to not live in fear, I count it as a blessing...to seek others who are sad or lonely and find ways to bring comfort and friendship in a way only one can sympathize.

  23. The fam and I had this amazing afternoon in our new backyard today. There was a breeze and the sun was shining and we have this gorgeous lawn and the kids were happy and laughing and all I could think about was, "We are due for something really serious." And then I totally remembered this post.

    (PS new blog!)